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TextDomestic Violence Frequently Asked Questions
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Legal definitions of domestic violence vary from state to state.
Under Virginia law ( Va. Code, § 16.1-228) domestic violence, which is termed “family abuse,” is defined as ”any act involving violence, force, or threat including, but not limited to, any forceful detention, which results in bodily injury or places one in reasonable apprehension of bodily injury and which is committed by a person against such person's family or household member.”
Va. Code defines “family or household member” to mean:
- A current or former spouse whether or not he/she resides in the same household with the person;
- A parent or stepparent, children or stepchildren, brother, sister, half brother or half sister, grandparent or grandchildren, whether or not they reside in the same household with the person;
- An in-law (i.e., father, mother, son, daughter, sister, or brother) who resides in the same household with the person;
- An individual who has a child in common with the person, whether or not they have been married or lived together at any time; or
- An individual who cohabits or has cohabited with the person in the last 12 months and any of their children who have resided in the same household with the person.
A broader and commonly accepted definition of domestic violence is a pattern of coercive behaviors, used by an individual to gain and maintain power and control over another individual, in the context of an intimate, dating, or familial relationship.
Q: Why is a pattern of abuse important?
A pattern of abuse is important because domestic violence typically is not a one-time, isolated incident, but rather is an ongoing and related series of coercive behaviors that often increase in frequency and severity.
Q: What are some examples of coercive behaviors?
Coercive behaviors cover a broad spectrum of abusive conduct, including physical and sexual violence, direct and implied threats of violence, emotional and psychological intimidation, verbal abuse, isolation, stalking, economic/financial control, spiritual abuse, actual or threatened use of weapons, destruction of property, and harm to the person’s family/pets/significant others.
Q: Why do abusers engage in domestic violence?
Abusers typically engage in domestic violence to exercise power and control over their victims with the belief they are entitled to do so. The coercive behaviors used to gain and maintain power and control are generally not due to a lack of impulse control or an inability to regulate stress or anger on the part of the abuser, but rather are usually an ongoing, purposeful effort to maintain domination over the victim and ensure submission to the abuser’s will.
Q: Can anyone be a victim of domestic violence?
Yes. Domestic violence can and does occur among individuals of all ages, races, ethnicities, economic, educational, and religious backgrounds, in heterosexual and same-sex relationships, living together or separately, married or unmarried. Anyone can be a victim of abuse.
Statistics show that the overwhelming majority of victims are adult women. Nevertheless, men and children can also be victims of abuse.
Q: How common is domestic violence?
Nearly a third of all women in the U.S. will report being physically or sexually abused by a husband or boyfriend at some point in their lives. Annually, approximately 1.5 million women in the U.S. are physically assaulted by an intimate partner. That’s one every 15 seconds.
Select these links below to view more national, state, and local statistics.
National Virginia Fairfax County
Q: How does domestic violence affect adult survivors?
Survivors of domestic violence often suffer devastating physical and psychological injuries as a result of the abuse:
Physical injuries include:
- Permanent scars from physical violence
- Headaches
- Ulcers
- High blood pressure
- Gastrointestinal problems
- For pregnant women, low birth weight babies, pre-term labor
- Nightmares
- Body memories – unexplained physical pain or arousal, fear, confusion
- Flashbacks
- Changes in sleeping, eating patterns
- Gynecological problems, sexual intimacy problems
- Self-mutilation to cope with the abuse
- Drug and alcohol abuse
- STDs, HIV, AIDS
- Suicide/suicide attempts
Psychological injuries include:
- Low self-esteem
- Fearfulness
- Panic attacks
- Depression
- Feelings of isolation
- Self-blame, guilt
- Denial
- Phobias of certain places/things
- Helplessness
- Stress
- Humiliation
- Confusion
- Hyper-vigilance
- Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
In addition, survivors of domestic violence often experience negative social and economic consequences as a result of their victimization, including:
- Homelessness
- Loss of employment
- Missing/dropping out of school
- Isolation from social support networks, such as family and friends
Q: How does domestic violence affect children?
Exposure to domestic violence in the home can be very damaging for children. For example:
- Children who are exposed to domestic violence are more likely to exhibit behavioral and physical health problems including depression, anxiety, and violence toward peers. They are also more likely to attempt suicide, abuse drugs and alcohol, run away from home, engage in teenage prostitution, and commit sexual assault crimes.
- Men, who as children were exposed to domestic violence in their parents’ homes, are twice as likely to abuse their own wives compared to sons of nonviolent parents.
If your intimate/dating partner or family member has subjected you to any of the following forms of abuse, you are probably a victim of domestic violence:
Physical violence/abuse
- Pushing, shoving, slapping, hitting, punching, or kicking you
- Holding, tying down, restraining you
- Inflicting bruises, welts, lacerations, punctures, fractures, burns, or scratches on you
- Assaulting you with a weapon
- Inflicting injury upon your pets
Sexual violence/abuse
- Trying or making you perform sexual acts against your will
- Pursuing sexual activity with you when you are not fully conscious, or without your consent or in a situation where you are afraid to say no
- Physically hurting you during sex
- Coercing you to have sex without protection against pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases
- Criticizing you or calling you sexually degrading names
Emotional or psychological abuse
- Threats of harm
- Physical or social isolation
- Extreme jealousy or possessiveness
- Deprivation of resources to meet your basic needs
- Intimidation, degradation, or humiliation
- Name calling or constant criticizing, insulting, or belittling you
- False accusations, blaming you for everything
- Ignoring, dismissing, or ridiculing your needs
- Lying, breaking promises, or destroying your trust
- Driving fast or recklessly to frighten or intimidate you
- Leaving you in a dangerous place
- Refusing to help when you are sick or injured
- Threats of violence/injury against your pets
Because domestic violence occurs in all cultural groups and among people of all ages, religions, and socio-economic backgrounds, more specific P & C Wheels have been created to illustrate abusive tactics that may be experienced by victims representing different groups. It can be helpful to review the P & C Wheel that is applicable to a person’s particular situation when screening for domestic violence.
Q: If I am a victim of abuse, what should I do in an emergency or crisis situation?
If you are in immediate danger or in any type of emergency situation where you are not physically safe, call 911 to request law enforcement assistance. In any other type of crisis situation, call:
Fairfax County Domestic and Sexual Violence Hotline at 703-360-7273 (TTY 703-435-1235).
Fairfax County Women’s Shelter at 703-435-4940 (TTY 703-435-1235) or
These 24-hour emergency hotlines are available to provide confidential crisis counseling, emotional support, and information on available county and community-based resources. If you are outside of Fairfax County, call the statewide and/or national domestic and sexual violence hotlines.
Q: What should I do to stay safe if I am currently in or considering leaving an abusive relationship?
If you are a victim, your physical safety should always be your number one priority. Whether you are currently with your abuser or are considering leaving the relationship, you should develop a safety plan to keep yourself and your children safe:
- Keep a bag of essentials in a place where the abuser cannot find it. In this bag, you should keep cash, change for a phone call, important documents (such as birth certificates, immigration papers, marriage certificate, copies of the abuser’s bank statement/pay stubs, and tax returns), clothing, car keys, and a cell phone if you have one.
- Plan an escape route. Have a plan developed in case you have to leave the home quickly (e.g., through a window or side door). If you have children, be sure they are aware of the escape route.
- Keep important phone numbers with you at all times. These should include the domestic violence hotline and the numbers of domestic violence shelters.
- Have a place to go. Be sure to talk to a friend or relative, or contact a safe shelter in the event that you need a place to go.
- Take your children with you when you leave. If you leave without your children, you may not be able to obtain custody of them and you will give the abuser an opportunity to continue to exert control over you. It is very important that you keep your children with you.
Q: Why is it often difficult for victims of domestic violence to leave their abusers?
On average, it may take victims anywhere from three to six times before they are able to leave their abusers. The reasons why some victims stay or may have to return to their abusers multiple times include, but are not limited to:
- Economic dependence on the abuser
- Social stigma
- Fear for her safety and the safety of her children/other loved ones
- Isolation (i.e., no one with whom she can talk and a lack of options/resources)
- Increased frequency and severity of abuse
- Influence of domestic violence in victim’s childhood
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Beliefs about family marriage/religion:
- family should not air its dirty laundry
- it’s the responsibility of the mother to hold the family together
- divorce is unacceptable
- it’s God’s will; therefore, she must obey her husband
It’s very important to recognize that leaving an abusive relationship is rarely easy. When victims leave, they are often in much more danger since the likelihood of violence increases considerably when they separate from their abusers and/or take protective or independent actions.
Q: If I am a victim of domestic violence, what types of criminal and civil legal actions can I pursue against my abuser?
If you are being threatened or subjected to physical or sexual violence, you may be able to file criminal charges against your abuser by seeking an assault warrant from a magistrate. The police can explain this process to you. You may also be able to pursue a civil case against your abuser by seeking a family abuse protective order. For more information about civil protective orders and criminal assault warrants, please contact:
Domestic Violence Court Advocacy Project at 703-246-7609 or
Domestic Relations Services Office of the Fairfax County Juvenile and Domestic Relations District Court at 703-246-3040.
If the person is in immediate danger, call 911.
In non-emergency situations, tell the person you are concerned about his/her safety and that you are willing to listen and offer support. Because many victims of abuse are often isolated and may blame themselves for the violence, offer validation by telling them they are not alone and the abuse is not their fault. Finally, encourage them to seek additional help by offering information about available community resources that can provide important victim support.
To learn more about domestic violence, you can visit the sites listed on the State and National Organizations page.The Virginia Department of Social Services also has online resources on Domestic Violence Programs:
- Helping a Friend or Family Member in Trouble;
- Learning to Recognize the Signs of Domestic Violence;
- Responding to Children;
- Safety Planning and Understanding Domestic Violence.
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