(Posted 2025 December)
Have you been wondering how to get your child to help out more around the house, do their homework without a battle, and go to bed on time?
Our Parenting Education Programs staff advises that the answer might be simpler than you think. Rather than getting into a power struggle with your child over the things they haven’t done, you can learn to motivate them with praise for the good things that they are doing.
Think about what motivates you to do more. Is it being criticized and berated for your mistakes or is it being genuinely appreciated and celebrated for your contributions?
There are two kinds of praise. You can praise someone for something good they have done or you can praise them for who they are.
When you praise your child for doing, you are drawing attention to a positive behavior or effort that you noticed and want the child to continue. Some examples would be to say, “Good job for cleaning up your toys,” or “Great job walking the dog.”
Praise for being is appreciating a person for who they are, such as saying, “You are such a special person to me,” or “Your smile lights up a room.”
The beauty of praise for doing is that your child will feel better about themselves for the positive things they have done, and they will naturally want to do more positive things.
If you are new to the idea of praise, here are a few tips for making sure it is authentic:
- When praising your child be sure to pay attention to the behaviors that you want to see and praise those behaviors when you see them.
- Be sure to focus on your child and the situation. Give them your undivided attention!
- Move close to your child and use gentle touch to reassure them.
- Make eye contact. Get down on your child's level when praising them.
- Smile when praising your child.
- Show affection such as a hug or kiss to reinforce your message.
Praising your child regularly not only reinforces positive behaviors you want to see, it also builds their self-esteem, self-concept, and self-worth. Most importantly it makes the tough times little easier for everyone by focusing on the positive.
We know not everyone has experience praising others or being praised. It can be uncomfortable for some in the beginning but keep practicing. You will likely start noticing changes in behavior and improvement in your relationship with your child that will make it worthwhile.
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