(Posted 2024 February)
Online (or digital) dating abuse--when a partner uses technology, such as a smartphone, social media, a tracking app or another form of technology, to threaten, harass, and intimidate the person they're dating—is becoming more common. In fact, abuse prevention advocates report a significant uptick in the number of people, particularly teenage girls, who describe digital dating abuse in their relationships.
In fact, a national survey of 2,218 students (ages 12 to 17) in relationships found that 28% of students had been a victim of digital dating abuse--and it’s not limited to girls. What's more, a number of high school students have reported that if they do not respond to text messages quickly, they often suffer repercussions, including physical violence, emotional abuse, name-calling, or verbal abuse.
Teens have also reported their partners have set up fake social media accounts to monitor their online interactions or made them download a GPS-tracking app so the partner will know where they are at all times.
Some of the more common ways digital dating abuse shows up include a dating partner who:
- sends excessive texts or messages at all times, and then gets angry if their partner don’t respond fast enough
- stalks a partner on social media
- demands the partner engage in sexting
- purposely embarrasses a current or former partner online
- surreptitiously installs spyware on a partner’s digital devices
- chooses who a partner can and can’t befriend on social media
- demands a partner’s passwords to their phone and social media accounts
- monitors a partner’s activities by looking through photos, text messages, and calls on the partner’s phone
At the beginning of a new relationship, some of this attention might seem flattering, but none of this is normal. If a partner seems overly controlling about technology, there are ways to stay safe.
- Don’t share passwords with anyone.
- Be mindful of “checking in” at different locations.
- Don’t send private photos or information electronically.
- Don’t tag friends in photos with their permission.
- Don’t hand over phones or tablets. They are private property and don’t have to be shared.
- Stay on top of privacy settings, and keep devices, online accounts, and social media accounts as secure as possible.
If you or someone you know is experiencing interpersonal violence, call the Domestic and Sexual Violence 24-Hour Hotline at 703-360-7273 for resources and support. If you are in immediate danger, call 9-1-1.
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