(Posted 2026 April)
Whenever a high-profile incident of domestic violence occurs—one that makes a large splash in the media, particularly social media--we often jump to the conclusion that the person who committed the violent act must be suffering from depression or be otherwise mentally ill. But this leap in logic, says Domestic and Sexual Violence Services Counseling Supervisor Kathryn Harlow, is incorrect.
“We use this to justify violence against women. Or to strip away women’s rights,” she says. “We can see mental health stigma increase any time there’s violence. Whether it’s domestic violence, murder-suicide, or mass shootings, folks start saying the person who caused the harm had depression or post-traumatic stress disorder.
“This makes it seem like having a mental illness makes you dangerous or makes you violent, which isn’t true. This also makes people afraid to come forward with their mental health issues. Most people with depression don’t commit violence. [In fact] people with mental health are more likely to be victims of violent crime than to commit violent crime.” (Research shows people with severe mental illnesses are more than 10 times more likely to be victims of a violent crime than the general population.)
So why do people gravitate toward mental health issues as the reason for domestic violence? According to Harlow, it’s because we want answers. “For a long time, mental health has been the scapegoat. It’s normal for human beings to want to make sense of things. It’s scary to think these things could just happen or could be happening right under our noses and we missed the signs,” she says. “Or someone we think is stable and intelligent and whom we respect could be engaging in violence, especially violence that is life threatening or life ending. It’s easier to blame mental health as the big scary monster.”
The truth is mental health issues can affect anyone. The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration finds:
- One in 5 American adults experienced a mental health condition in a given year.
- One in 6 young people has experienced a major depressive episode.
- One in 20 Americans has lived with a serious mental illness, such as schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, or major depression.
- Only 3 percent to 5 percent of violent acts can be attributed to individuals living with a serious mental illness.
The vast majority of people with mental illness are “kind, generous, productive members of the community,” Harlow says. “Lots of people grow up in violence and trauma and don’t grow up to harm others. It’s quite common to have a mental illness and still be a safe person to be around. It’s wrong to talk about mental health only once a year—May is Mental Health Awareness Month--but then every time there’s an act of violence, we talk about it in that context. We don’t get the stories of someone with mental illness who is going to school or taking care of their three children or otherwise thriving.”
Does this mean there’s absolutely no correlation between domestic violence and mental health issues? Harlow says we’re framing the question wrong. “Can we say violence can be linked to emotional regulation? Yes, there can be a small correlation,” she says. “But saying trauma, mental health is connected to domestic violence is doing a whole disservice to the community. A disservice to survivors. A disservice to people causing harm because it gives them an excuse. A disservice to the mental health community as a whole because it minimizes the harm and the trauma of domestic violence. And blaming mental illness also removes accountability from the person doing the harm.”
Instead, she says, what’s at play is a power-and-control dynamic. Domestic violence is rooted in trying to control the movements and freedoms of a partner. “We can see an uptick in violent behavior when the person who engages in harm starts to lose some of that control, which is why we see the highest danger of harm when someone is trying to leave the relationship,” she says. “The person causing harm tries to increase control. If they feel they have nothing left to lose, that can cause them to act out in ways to maintain control.”
In a murder-suicide, for instance, there might be a loss of control, which would make somebody feel hopeless, Harlow explains. “They are still trying to control, one last time, their partner’s movement, control whether they get to be happy. But that’s not depression or a mental health issue.”
With femicide rates so high--nearly three women are killed by an intimate partner every day in the United States--this is not a small problem we should address only when a case becomes a story on the nightly news.
“I hope people can educate themselves more on domestic violence and interpersonal violence, but also mental health and mental health concerns,” Harlow says. “We need to be really intentional about how we discuss these topics. Mental illness is often used as a way to explain why violence occurred. But engaging in violence is a choice. Even if it feels like a really impulsive choice, there was still an option to make a different choice.”
Fairfax County’s Domestic and Sexual Violence Services division supports adults, teens, and children who have been impacted by domestic and sexual violence, stalking, and human trafficking. Services are confidential, free, and provided regardless of race, gender, ethnicity, national origin, age, disability, religion, gender identity, or sexual orientation.
If you or someone you know is experiencing interpersonal violence, call the Domestic and Sexual Violence 24-Hour Hotline at 703-360-7273 for resources and support. If you are in immediate danger, call 9-1-1.
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