(Posted 2024 January)

While every case is different, people who stalk can be unpredictable and very dangerous. Stalkers may threaten, attack, sexually assault, or even kill their victims.

Unfortunately, there is no single psychological or behavioral profile that predicts what stalkers will or will not do. Stalkers’ behaviors can escalate from indirect ways of making contact (phone calls or texts) to more direct contact (delivering unwanted gifts or showing up wherever you are).

Many victims struggle with how to respond to their stalkers. Some victims try reasoning to placate them, hoping being nice will make the behavior stop. Many victims minimize their experiences of being stalked, telling themselves “it’s not that bad.” Still others may confront or threaten the stalker or try to fight back.

While you cannot control the stalking behavior, you should feel empowered to take steps to keep yourself, your family, and your other loved ones safe. Follow these tips:

1. Trust your instincts. Victims of stalking often feel pressured by friends or family to downplay the stalker’s behavior, but stalking poses a real threat of harm. Your fear is justified; and your safety is paramount.
2. Change your safety plan as the stalking situation changes. Work with the advocates at the Domestic Violence Action Center (DVAC) to help develop this plan.
3. Balance your need to live a normal life with your safety concerns. You are the expert on your life and circumstances.
4. Cut off all communication with your stalker. Many stalkers think any contact—even negative contact—is encouragement. If you must communicate with your stalker because you share custody of children, talk with your advocate about how to safety plan with children.
5. Vary your routine. Change routes from work, school, the gym, grocery store, the coffee shop, or any other place you go regularly.
6. Keep a record or log of each contact with the stalker. Track every incident, including the date, time, what happened, and the names and phone numbers of any witnesses. Documentation is critical to understanding the scope of the situation and may be necessary if you decide to get a protective order or press charges.
7. Save evidence when possible. Stalkers often use technology to contact their victims. Save all emails, text messages, photos, and social media posts as evidence of the stalking behavior. You may also want to consider how to use your technology and your devices in a safer manner. For more information, visit the National Network to End Domestic Violence Safety Net Project’s Tech Safety Site.
8. Call the police if you feel you are in any immediate danger. 

If you or someone you know is experiencing interpersonal violence, call the Domestic and Sexual Violence 24-Hour Hotline at 703-360-7273 for resources and support. If you are in immediate danger, call 9-1-1.

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