(Posted 2024 January)
Raising teenagers can present lots of new challenges even for seasoned parents and caregivers. It may feel like there is an overnight transformation from loving child to a barely recognizable teen who is equal parts moody, impulsive, and reclusive. And while it’s normal for kids to pull away from their parents and test the limits of their independence, this can be a time that parents struggle to relate to them.
It’s important to remember that trust is the foundation of any strong relationship. So, the Parenting Education Programs (PEP) offers some tips on building a trusting relationship with your teen.
Trust is a Two-Way Street
Parents often get hung up on whether teens can be trusted, and you may even feel like your teenager should earn your trust before you extend it. But in this situation, any mistake they make – from failing a test to forgetting their chores or dropping their phone – counts against them.
Marcus Garr, PEP program supervisor, shared this perspective, “No one is perfect, so mistakes are going to happen. Families who expect that, can provide teens with a safe, secure space to experience the consequences of their actions and learn important life lessons that prepare them for transitioning into adulthood.”
If you keep score of your teen’s mistakes, act punitively, or lose control of your emotions, it can set a bad example, drive a wedge in your relationship, and create a tense home environment. Teens may distance themselves and seek validation elsewhere if they feel a consistent lack of trust.
The Parenting Education Programs offers some additional suggestions on building trust with your teen, taken from the Nurturing Parenting® Curriculum:
Showing acceptance is essential:
- Teens need to have confidence in their parents that they will be supportive and show unconditional love.
- Parents need to accept your teens even though parents and teens may not agree on an issue. Disagreement is a poor reason to reject another person.
Fear is a barrier to any relationship. Teens need to believe that you have their best interests at heart:
- Teens need to assume that parents will not intentionally hurt them when they make a mistake, a poor choice, or fail.
- Parents need to be supportive and help your teens to grow and mature independently.
Maintain open communication. Listen without judgment:
- Teens need to be able to share their innermost feelings, thoughts, aspirations, and fears without being made to feel like an idiot.
- Parents need to respond to your teen’s comments with non-judgmental and non-critical statements.
When parents and caregivers are supportive, extend grace and compassion, and keep open communication, it can go a long way to developing healthy, positive relationships with the teenagers in your life.
For more advice like this, the Parenting Education Programs is offering several upcoming classes and Parent Cafés specifically to help you grow healthy relationships with your teenagers 12-18 years old. Join us for more information about positive and effective ways parents and caregivers can interact with their children at every age and stage of development.
We would love to hear from you. If you have questions or feedback about the topic in this article, email us.
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