(Posted 2023 August) (Updated 2023 November)
Raising children can be one of the most rewarding things in life. Whether you are a parent, foster parent, or kinship caregiver, there are many wonderful things about taking care of a child. However, child-rearing is not without its share of stressors, and trauma-informed parenting brings additional layers of complexity to the mix.
Within the general population, around three-quarters of adults (76%) said they have experienced health impacts due to stress in the prior month, including headache (38%), fatigue (35%), feeling nervous or anxious (34%), and/or feeling depressed or sad (33%), according to this report on the Stress in America 2022 Survey (apa.org). Certain times of the year like back-to-school, and the holidays can be especially stressful to some families.
Parents and caregivers are often tempted to put other’s critical needs ahead of their own, so what might be a fleeting stressor, can compound over time when not dealt with. While our bodies are well equipped to handle stress in small doses, when it becomes long-term or chronic, it can make a serious impact on your physical and mental state.
So how can you prevent stress from taking over your life? Take a step back and try these stress-reducing tactics:
- Breathe, pray, or meditate – Slow down, and make space for connecting with yourself and your spirituality. Take several deep calming breaths to lower your heart rate. Clear your mind, listen for clarity, and it may be easier to find a manageable solution to an issue.
- Take care of your health
- Exercise as often as you can. It’s not just good for the body – it lifts your mood, helps you to sleep better, and provides time for self-reflection. If you can’t schedule 30 minutes, then try fitting in 10-minute walks throughout the day.
- Go to sleep around the same time each night for seven to nine hours.
- Eat regular, well-balanced meals.
- Drink eight glasses of water a day.
Take a break from work – Taking a vacation –or even just a few vacation days– might be just the reset you need to keep pushing forward. You don’t have to travel. Just taking a break from your regular routine can provide the opportunity you need to rest and recharge to be able to give your best to the people in your life. Consider taking a personal day away to decompress from your obligations if you can manage it.
- Journaling – Focus your thoughts on the page. The act of writing down the things that trouble you can be cathartic. Committing pen to paper activates a different part of your brain, and it can help you to see things through a different lens. Think how encouraging it will be to re-read those journals and reflect on your personal progress once you are on the other side of the situation.
Find Support – Connect to friends, family, community. You’re not alone on the journey, but sometimes it feels like no one gets you or your situation. This is especially true of foster and kinship care parents. When you are stressed out, it helps to have a support system to lean on and reassure you that you can make it through. Supporters can listen to your struggles, spend time with you and the kids, or even take care of the kids for a while (such as respite foster care). If you’re unsure of where to find support, check out the variety of virtual or in-person support groups, classes, and cafés for parents and caregivers of every background, published in each Foster Family Newsletter and on our Parenting Education Programs' website. You can sign up to receive these monthly updates in your inbox.
Stress is unavoidable, so anticipate it and use these methods to manage stress in a healthy and productive way. Don’t wait until you experience burnout, which can manifest itself through feelings of anger, sadness, confusion, fatigue, lack of control, and apathy to name a few. Ask for help. Engage your support system. Foster parents, reach out to your resource worker.
Foster and kinship care parents, it’s important to remember your “Why.” Making a difference in a child’s life is a noble endeavor, and it can take a lot out of you to routinely go above and beyond. The good news is that there is evidence that volunteers motivated by helping others or a desire for social connections actually live longer than people who didn't volunteer. So, if you became a foster or kinship care parent out of selfless motives, the rewards are potentially life lengthening for you according to the American Psychological Association.
Foster parents who would like to learn more about stress-reducing strategies, check out the Foster Parent College course Reducing Family Stress. This is free to foster parents licensed through Fairfax County. You can also reach out to your resource worker for additional suggestions including ways to access respite care.
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