(Posted 2024 July)
Parents and other caregivers are pivotal in helping the next generation of citizens develop healthy attitudes toward relationships. Being able to communicate openly about dating and relationships can empower youth to make informed decisions in their relationships and be on alert for warning signs.
Children and youth begin developing intimate relationships well before they start dating. According to sexologist Susan Quillen, author of “How to Talk to Your Kids about Sex” (2003), it’s essential for parents to feel comfortable talking about these relationships. As children and youth build friendships, they learn how to interact in pairs, realizing that violence or betrayal are destructive to relationships.
As a trusted adult, explore what it means to be kind and respectful to other people. Encourage active listening and empathy. Respectful relationships provide a good foundation.
Build trust: Relationships based on trust and independence are healthy relationships. Happy relationships involve partners who respect each other’s wants and needs, and who cherish decision-making freedom for their partners.
Develop good communication habits: Praise good communication. Teach kids and youth how to express their thoughts and feelings without judgment and how to resolve conflicts verbally. Helping youth identify what they are feeling without judgment and telling others helps build these skills.
Tap into everyday moments: Use TV shows, songs, or your social media feeds as topics, such as: “What did you think about that discussion between the characters in the movie?” or “How would you have handled that situation?” It can be helpful to point out unhealthy behaviors and how to handle them differently, as you also point out the healthy behaviors so teens can see differences.
Be honest and forthright: Share as honestly and openly as possible how you are feeling, what you’re thinking, or relating to events or spotlight activities. If some topics are awkward for you, be honest about that and respectful of the needs of youth. Build a foundation of trust and help youth learn to be open with you as well.
Adolescence can be an exciting time as teens begin to focus on romantic relationships with their peers. The beginning of dating can be a confusing and overwhelming experience for parents and teens alike.
One of the most important aspects of relationships is the recognition of red flags, including signs that a relationship is abusive. Recognizing common warning signs of problematic relationships in the early stages of dating can be crucial to staying safe and maintaining a healthy relationship.
If you are a teen or caregiver of a teen and suspect your teen’s relationship may be an unhealthy one, it is important to know where and how to seek help. Healthy relationships are dependent on trust, respect and open lines of communication. In the next few paragraphs, we will examine signs of problematic intimacy, and review ways of identifying them.
Domineering behavior: If a person frequently monitors you by checking your phone or social media, or refuses to let you have other friends, this lack of freedom could be a red flag.
Disrespect: Disrespect includes but is not limited to sarcasm, insults, yelling, rudeness, and startling gestures, which are all malevolent behaviors. Teach teens when they’ve experienced it, verbally or emotionally, and how to protect themselves from it.
Safety: If your teen is feeling unsafe or fearful, talk about why. Sometimes teens have a gut instinct about their safety, and it is important they learn to trust it. Even after a relationship ends, behaviors that are unsafe or unhealthy can continue to get the teen back into the relationship. Be sure to check in with your teen about their experiences with the individual. If you have questions about a behavior you are seeing, ask for help from professionals.
For a short video that discusses healthy relationships, check out Blinding Love, created and produced by teens in Fairfax County’s Teen Advocates Program. Check out more resources and information about Teen Dating Violence.
Check out this longer video that shows the dangers of Teen Dating Violence.
For more advice like this, the Parenting Education Programs is offering several upcoming classes and Parent Cafés specifically to help you grow healthy relationships with your teenagers 12-18 years old. Join us for more information about positive and effective ways parents and caregivers can interact with their children at every age and stage of development.
By Dawit Alemu, youth media specialist, Domestic and Sexual Violence Services.
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