Welcome to the 2019 June issue of Foster Family News, a monthly newsletter for current and potential Fairfax County foster parents.
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On behalf of all of our families, I want to say a huge thank you to Fairfax County Department of Family Services and St. Matthews for hosting an amazing Foster Parent Appreciation Celebration last month. What a treat to get together with fellow foster families and the wonderful social services staff who work with our families day-in and day-out for a time of fun, relaxation and recognition for some of our stand-out families. It was a fabulous day filled with food, yoga, massages, reiki, painting and, of course, great company. What a perfect way to celebrate May, Foster Care Appreciation Month!
It’s hard to believe that May is over, and summer is upon us! Cheers to surviving another school year! I don’t know about you, but I’m looking forward to a break from the usual routine and some time outdoors with the family. If you’re looking for things for your kids to do over the summer, Fairfax County offers some great half- and full-day camps for whatever your kids are interested in -- from sports and adventure, to arts and STEM and much more. Check out the Park Authority website for details, and talk to your Resource Worker for information about funding for kids in foster care.
If you have travel plans this summer and are unable to take your kids in care, for whatever reason, remember that respite is here to help! There are lots of licensed foster families who do not have current placements, and who would be happy to help out during your travels. You can work with your Resource Worker or send a message through our FCFCAA Google group to connect directly with other foster families. It’s always a good idea to start this process sooner rather than later, as we all know how busy schedules can get in the summer months.
Speaking of busy…Fairfax County has seen a boom in babies coming into care in recent months. In turn, our Foster Closet is seeing a lot of traffic. There is a particular need right now to replenish high chairs, baby swings and umbrella strollers. And if you are in need of clothes, they have a lot on hand. If you have items to donate, or are in need of anything, please email fcfcaamail@gmail.com. Thanks in advance for helping to spread the word!
I hope everyone is enjoying a wonderful start to the summer!
All the best,
Bethany Shively
President
Fairfax County Foster Care and Adoption Association (FCFCAA)
Cordelia Cranshaw wasn’t quite sure what to make of foster care when, at age 14, she entered into the system.
“All I had heard was horror stories,” she says. “That they never wanted teenagers. That no one would want me. That I would end up in a group home. All bad things. Nothing positive whatsoever.”
But the system was better than the life Cordelia had been living up until that point. With an alcoholic father and a mom in and out of prison, including a 10-year stretch that began when her daughter was 12, Cordelia was left essentially homeless. Various family members and friends let her crash with them at night.
A Fairfax County social worker finally placed her in a safe environment with a foster family. “It was one of the first times I was able to reach stability,” she says.
Though that placement didn’t stick, and Cordelia ended up in a group home, she credits her experience with helping her reach her goals.
“I don’t think I had the worst experience. Not necessarily the best, but I’m very optimistic,” she says. “I try to focus on the positives rather than the challenges that I faced. I believe it really did change my life. It inspired me and showed me my true passion and purpose in life.”
That focus helped Cordelia beat the odds. Only 3 percent of youth in foster care earn a college degree. That number is even smaller for those who, like Cordelia, age out of the system.
“In high school, I set education to be a priority in my life,” she says. “I was always 10 to 20 steps ahead of whatever I was trying to accomplish. I figured, I’m already at a disadvantage because I aged out, because I didn’t have the supports other youth had. I made sure I was prepared. I didn’t want to become a statistic or dive into that trajectory set out for foster youth.”
College degree in hand? Done, from George Mason University. Master’s in social work on her resume? Check, from University of Maryland. She utilizes the knowledge she’s gained from both her education and her experiences to be a social worker for the Child and Family Services Agency in Washington, D.C. Along the way, Cordelia found time to establish Acts of Random Kindness (ARK) https://www.ark-dc.org/, a nonprofit designed to assist at-risk youth.
“I created ARK because I wanted to be able to leave a legacy in my community and share with others the real-life trajectory of success, even if you don’t necessarily come from that,” she says. “I wanted to teach children the rules for success and be able to provide them the tools to create their own path. ARK’s motto is: ‘You’re only one resource away from reaching your dream.’ Every resource I was able to take advantage of brought me closer to my reality. If we can do that for children in the community, we can end the cycle of poverty.”
Did we mention Cordelia is the current Miss DC USA? She represented the District well, placing in the top 10 in the recent Miss USA pageant. And she’s using her reign to continue to motivate young people facing challenges similar to the ones she experienced growing up.
She offers these tips to youth currently in foster care:
- Forgive your parents. Cordelia’s mom is a Braille transcriptionist. Her dad, a recovering alcoholic, is “being a senior citizen,” she says. She has a relationship with both of them.
- Take accountability for your own actions. “Every decision you make is going to impact your future, and at some point, you become an adult. If you can make great decisions for your life today, you will beat the odds and overcome the challenges you’re facing -- even though it’s easier said than done,” she says.
- Persevere. “Because I faced so many challenges growing up, I knew how to persevere,” she says. “That’s how foster care prepared me. No matter what I faced, I knew I could overcome. Nothing was worse than not having my mother and my father growing up.”
- Soak up those resources. Cordelia didn’t allow a lack of finances to deter her from going to college. She researched her options and took advantage of a John J. Hughes Social Work Scholarship from Mason to help pay for her undergraduate degree.
- Advocate for yourself and use your voice. “[In foster care] you’re surrounded by people making decisions for you,” she says. “Be a part of the team around you. Ultimately, your life has to go where you want it to go.”
Vaping – inhaling a vaporized liquid from an electronic device – is the current trend in tobacco use. It’s become so popular it even has its own lingo, with vaping devices going by many names, including e-cigs, smokeless cigarettes, vape pens, vaporizers, mods, tanks, cigalikes, JUUL, e-hookah and hookah pens.
It’s also a trend that’s frighteningly prevalent among today’s teens. Though the rate of cigarette smoking among high school students in this country has dropped 30 percent over the last six years, 45 percent of high school students say they have experimented with vaping and a quarter currently use.
Why? Many believe it is a safe alternative to smoking cigarettes.
But vaping isn’t harmless, and it’s not just water vapor. There are hundreds of different vape products on the market containing a stew of toxic ingredients, including cancer-causing chemicals, THC (the active ingredient in marijuana), vegetable glycerin, flavorings and nicotine — the same highly addictive substance found in regular cigarettes.
In fact, 100 percent of JUULs, teens’ top choice for vaping devices, contain nicotine. Each JUUL pod has as much nicotine as an entire pack of cigarettes. This is especially concerning for teens because it has a negative impact on adolescent brain development, causing lasting cognitive and behavioral impairments, including effects on memory and attention. Other research shows young people who vape are four times more likely to smoke traditional cigarettes a year later. Vape e-juice can lead to health problems, such as coughing, nosebleeds, wheezing, sinus infections and asthma.
Here’s more reason to give vaping a hard pass: In September 2008, the Fairfax County Public Schools’ Students Rights and Responsibilities (SR&R) was updated to include vaping as a prohibited activity. Students possessing or using vape products on school grounds are required to participate in an intervention program and they may face disciplinary consequences. Additional sanctions may come into play if the students play a sport.
From a distance, Sabrina Darden might make being a foster parent look easy, but she’s been hard at work preparing youth to transition into adulthood for nearly 30 years. Below, she shares a little of her backstory and a few words of wisdom:
Foster Family News: Why are you a foster parent?
Sabrina Darden: I didn’t want kids to live in the life I had to live coming up. The poverty. The lack. I took my experience and wanted kids to live the extreme opposite of what I grew up with. I’m also a very strong advocate when it comes to bullying. I wanted to be the voice for ones who can’t speak.
FFN: How did you get started fostering?
SD: I started out as an emergency foster parent in another state. They don’t have that here in Fairfax County. I started fostering in the ‘hood. There’s a lot of poverty, there’s a lot of lack. There’s nothing like that here. Before I came here, I had nine kids at one time. I’ve had all kinds of kids with all kinds of problems. I had kids who had siblings who were murdered. Kids with autism. Babies of drug-addicted mothers. Kids with AIDS. Kids who are medically fragile. I picked them up from the DFS office and put as many in my car as I could take home.
That was the norm. It was constant emergency. It was never not an emergency. You didn’t get to meet the kids before they came. The kids’ information might not get into the DFS system for three or four months. You didn’t see social workers. They had so many kids there wasn’t time to sit with the kids. Fostering in that other state was like teaching in D.C. in underprivileged schools. They didn’t have all the resources Fairfax County has.
FFN: How many children have you fostered over the years?
SD: I stopped counting at 200.
FFN: Wow. So you specialize in kids with special needs?
SD: I don’t treat any child like they have special needs. I start with that. I don’t look at them like children with special needs. I treat them like they’re my own. I don’t use any labels—foster, special needs. I just call them children. And I love on them like they’re my own. I blend them into the family. What does “special needs” even mean? They may have difficult behaviors for the day-to-day parents to handle. I think removing the term “foster” and treating them like children and doing everything I can to integrate them into society so they have some sense of normalcy is what I do. If loving them like I love my own children is special, then great.
FFN: What is the most challenging part of being a foster parent?
SD: I take teens. Seeing them leave at 18 and they’re still not ready, that’s the most challenging. Even though they’re saying at 18 you’re an adult, you’re not an adult. I see so many kids lost at 18 and unprepared to deal with society and life as a whole. Challenging is preparing them to function in society and being able to stand on their own, without having to come back and be in and out of foster care. In and out of homes, running the streets, that type of thing.
FFN: What’s most rewarding?
SD: How about seeing them smile? A lot of times kids come and they are so beat down that they don’t even smile. To see them smile is rewarding. To see them happy. And to be like normal kids. To give them the things their peers have. To have them able to stand on their own two feet and function on their own in society.
FFN: Other than resources, how has your experience in Fairfax County differed from your earlier years as a foster parent?
SD: They can’t imagine having that many kids available to put in foster care! This is a breeze comparatively speaking. The workers I have had here love their kids. Not only do they love the kids on their cases, but they care about the entire family. I didn’t have that experience where I used to live.
But I don’t love everything about Fairfax County. I love the people—we get along and do what we have to do to make it work--but nothing’s great all the time. We should talk about that. There needs to be a platform—not just for complaining; you can complain all day—to sit down and express our concerns.
But don’t let systemic issues render you voiceless and powerless and without compassion. I’m trying to be part of the solution. I’m getting a master’s in social work so I can deal with some of these issues.
FFN: What’s your advice for people thinking about becoming foster parents?
SD: Consider teens. A lot of people are scared of teenagers. But they’re not what they appear to be on paper.
And be in it to win. That may mean some very difficult days and some very difficult nights. But to go in with strength. Be strong before the kids come to your home. And stand up to do everything you can to provide stability for that child. Even when you realize you may get children that aren’t necessarily compatible. Even the kids you don’t get along with still deserve a chance. Do whatever it takes to integrate that child into society and to provide stability and safety for them. Foster parent strong. That’s my hashtag.
When Fairfax County foster parents ask tough questions, we find the answers. During a recent interview, Sabrina Darden raised some of the following concerns:
What has Fairfax County put in place for foster parents to deal with the needs of undocumented youth?
The agency is nothing if not solutions oriented. For instance, the E.Y.E. Program, a summer job readiness and paid work experience for Northern Virginia youth that started in 2006, provides work experience for our foster teens. But undocumented youth aren’t eligible to participate in it. So we created the E3 program, a job readiness partnership between Children, Youth and Families and Employment and Training. The four-week summer program teaches these youth about careers and pays them a training stipend. “The bottom line is, even if a youth is undocumented, when they come into foster care, we’re still ultimately responsible for them,” Sheila Donaldson, program manager in Foster Care & Adoption-Resource and Support, explains.
Does Fairfax County provide language classes for foster parents with youth who don’t speak English?
The agency doesn’t provide language classes, but Fairfax County has lots of opportunities for parents that want to learn a foreign language, including classes at Northern Virginia Community College, various community centers and some churches.
Is Fairfax County working on kinship care?
Across the United States, millions of grandparents and other caregivers have stepped up to raise children for family members or friends. We readily admit there’s work to be done on this front. Though the state of Virginia scores poorly on kinship care, Fairfax County, with roughly 5,200 grandparents raising their grandchildren, is in better shape. Here’s where we stand: Our Kinship Care Unit (KCU) supports relatives or fictive family as they provide care, nurturance and safety to children placed in their homes. Staff provides ongoing clinical and supportive case management services to the kinship triad (caregiver, prior caregivers and child) to support the family in achieving safety, permanency and well-being for all children. Staff provides services and interventions in a culturally sensitive and flexible manner based on the families’ strengths and changing needs. The KCU team works to provide holistic, client-centered interventions that address the unique and complex needs of kinship families. The unit also places importance on assessment and outcome measures for continuous process improvement. The Kinship Care Unit serves referrals from Child Protective Services that come with either a service agreement or court order.
The Kinship Family Institute connects kinship families to supportive services and offers seminars, trainings, and workshops to help build a community network of kinship caregivers. To learn more about Fairfax County’s kinship efforts, check out our Kinship Quick Guide.
If something isn’t meeting your needs or you have other questions, please let us know.
Gone Camping
So many camps, summer so short -- from sports and dance to arts and crafts and tech and more. Though registration officially began in February, it’s not too late to sign your child up for some summer fun. Get the complete guide to Fairfax County Park Authority Camps for more information.
Catch the Beat!
Fairfax County Park Authority hosts its free Summer Entertainment Series at parks throughout the county. June highlights include:
- June 7: The West Potomac High School Jazz Band plays at Grist Mill Park
- June 15: The United States Navy Sea Chanters sing at Workhouse Arts Center
- June 26: The Fabulous Hubcaps perform Oldies Classic Rock at the Lee District Park Amphitheater
- June 27: Scythian brings Irish Rock to Frying Pan Farm Park
Parent and Student Clinics Return to Fairfax Schools
The Fairfax County Public Schools Office of Intervention and Prevention services have teamed up to offer Parent and Student Clinics this summer to help provide greater access to school and community resources.
- Parent Clinic
July 1, 2019-August 2, 2019
Parents can schedule a 45-minute consultative appointment with a school psychologist or school social worker to assist parents when children are experiencing social, emotional, behavior or academic challenges. - Student Clinic
July 29, 2019-August 9, 2019
High school students can schedule a 45-minute consultation with a school psychologist or social worker to receive support with strategies and tools for academic and social success for the upcoming school year.
Learn more information and find out how to schedule an appointment.
Call for Volunteers
The Fairfax County Health Department needs your help with an emergency response exercise designed to evaluate the county’s ability to provide critical services during a disaster. Get details and register.
July 19, 2019 between 10 a.m.-Noon
Lake Braddock Secondary School, 9200 Burke Lake Road, Burke, VA 22015
Each newsletter will include this section to help answer questions, spotlight the people who support foster families, highlight the donors and sponsors who generously give to foster care programs and activities and friendly reminders for foster families to sign-up for trainings.
Question: Why am I not getting a placement?
Answer: If a family is very specific about the type of child they are willing to parent, and children necessitating placement do not meet their criteria, it will take longer for a child to join their family. There may be a delay in placing a child with a family if the family has had recent or significant changes in the status of their home, such as a new household member, marriage, death or divorce. Families sometimes take a break following a very difficult fostering experience, either by their choice or based upon a recommendation from the Department.
Check out other frequently asked questions and answers from past issues.
Aging Out of the Foster Care System
United States 51%
Virginia 73%
Fairfax County 19%
More than 20,000 young adults in this country “age out” of foster care (at age 18 or 21, depending on the state). Aging out happens when youth must leave the foster care system because they were never adopted and are too old to stay in care. The social and economic effects of aging out can be devastating and touch everyone, not just the foster youth aging out.
Our partners and donors are the true power behind communities of care for Fairfax County Foster Care and Adoption. With them we can provide amazing support services, community events and after care resources.
This issue highlights and thanks American Systems, a government services contractor that has been delivering IT and engineering solutions to complex national priority programs since 1975. Their mission-focused approach helps keep our nation and its citizens safe from all enemies, both foreign and domestic.
Chantilly, Virginia-based American Systems was instrumental to the success of Foster Parent Training and Appreciation Day in May.
Contact Information
americansystems.com
Check out highlights of other donors and sponsors from past issues.
The following trainings and conferences are for Fairfax County foster parents only.
Inservice (For certified Fairfax County foster parents. Registration required.)
Learn more and save the dates for upcoming trainings and conferences.
What do you want to see in Foster Family News?
Submit your suggestions to Kendra Lee.
Check out past issues of Foster Family News.