(Posted 2023 November)
As we find ourselves in the full swing of the holiday season, it’s full steam ahead from Halloween through New Year’s in January. During this time of Thanksgiving, we must begin with expressing deep gratitude to each of our foster families for the grace and kindness you show daily to the children in your care and the specialists you encounter.
We also must share a reminder that we live in a very diverse community, and many families have their own traditions and celebrations. For children in foster care, those might not match up with what they are used to in their families of origin.
Practicing Cultural Humility
It’s so important for foster families to be aware of these differences and support children who might be missing familiar cultural expressions or who are struggling with new traditions in your home. Foster parents might think of this time of year as a season of celebration, filled with family, special foods, close friends, reaffirming faith, and lots of gifts. For children in foster care, it might be a difficult reminder of all they have lost or conversely, it might bring awareness of things they never had access to before.
It's important not to impose our expectations or visions of the “perfect holiday” on the children in our care. Give them the time and space to be a part of the things that they value and to stand apart from what they are not yet ready to embrace. It may also be a time to practice cultural humility and ask the child or their relatives about traditions and celebrations that would make the child feel more attuned to their own cultural practices or religious beliefs.
Due to the temporary nature of foster care, it may be a good time to dial back the emphasis within your household on giving things, so as not to overwhelm, overstimulate, or create materialistic expectations that might not be sustainable.
Take a Mindful Approach to the Holidays
That doesn’t mean skip parties and gift-giving, but be mindful of the pitfalls, and anticipate how certain things might make children feel. Their reactions might appear suddenly and unexpectedly for you and them. Be prepared for a trip to Santa or a costume party to cause some unresolved emotions to well up and don’t be surprised if children act out those big feelings.
The commercialization, advertising, and marketing during this season can create an expectation of constant happiness during the holidays that can be a bit much for anyone. Frankly, the holidays are full of stressors for all types of families. It’s wise to limit your obligations and activities to prevent yourself from being overloaded, let alone the children in your care. School concerts, church events, festivals, parties can add up to be overwhelming.
The holidays can be a chance for abundant hope and joy. It’s a great opportunity to connect with others. There are community events geared specifically toward foster, adoptive, and kinship families which can be supportive. Adults and children alike can find some comfort in this shared community. It’s also a way to share in old, new, and blended traditions.
Remember there are some community resources for gifts for children and their families. The Foster Closet can be a source of gifts for your new additions or if they want to go “shopping” for bio family members. The Community Foundation for Northern Virginia’s Our Children Fund is another resource for some funding for otherwise unmet medical, social, emotional, and education needs like, lessons, camps, and afterschool activities.
Here are a couple of additional articles about this topic:
Holidays and starting new traditions with your foster child | FosterVA
How to help foster children during the holidays - Fairfax CASA
This article posting is part of the Foster Family News monthly newsletter designed to keep foster parents informed about all the new and notable happenings in Fairfax County.
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