Welcome to the 2022 October issue of Volunteer Voices, a monthly newsletter for current and potential Domestic and Sexual Violence Services (DSVS) volunteers.
In this Issue:
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Hello, DSVS Volunteers!
My name is Mayra Martinez, and I am the intake coordinator for Domestic and Sexual Violence Counseling Services. I have been in this position since March 2022. In my past, I have provided individual counseling to families, children, teens, and adults that have experienced domestic and sexual violence, as well as facilitated groups for domestic and sexual assault survivors with other agencies. I have also worked for non-profit organizations in many different positions and programs serving people that have experienced trauma. My work at Dominion Mental Health Hospital and other places has allowed me to have a broad spectrum of experience in the mental health field. I also taught pre-K and after-school enrichment programs and was in the medical field for several years. In addition, I have worked with FEMA, assisting with the Hurricane Maria project, which was an experience I will never forget.
I have been very fortunate to gain a broad spectrum of experience in the trauma and mental health fields and truly value every single experience and person I have served.
A little bit about myself: I am from La Paz, Bolivia. My mother, sister, and I immigrated to the United States when I was only 6 months old. I have had the opportunity to visit my family several times and enjoy learning about my culture. I especially love to indulge in the delicious food Bolivia has to offer. I grew up in a traditional Spanish home, with my mom allowing us to speak Spanish only at home and English at school, which has helped immensely in the development of my bilingual skills.
I have two boys, ages 5 and 12. The youngest one is starting kindergarten this year, and my oldest is going into 7th grade.
During my free time, I enjoy spending time with my two boys, yoga, sound bath/meditation, going to the beach, swimming, running, scrapbooking, watching movies or series, and, most of all, traveling. I do treasure the small things in life, such as Starbucks or local coffee shops and Target runs. I have a sweet tooth; I love pastries and almost anything with chocolate. I have tried gardening; unfortunately, I do not have a green thumb and everything I plant dies. I have developed an interest in cooking and find it therapeutic. However, I have learned that I am not a baker. During my down time, I enjoy cross-stitching or scrapbooking projects, especially if I've had a stressful week.
I am excited to be part of such a collaborative team and an agency that strives for equity. I can’t express enough how valuable the work is that all volunteers perform and what a difference your contribution makes in this world. We would not be able to operate at the level we do without you. Thank you for all your hard work and devotion to our clients and this agency.
Mayra Martinez
Intake Coordinator, Counseling Services
Understanding Emotional Exhaustion
Emotional exhaustion is the state of feeling emotionally drained or emotionally tired because of a buildup of stress. It most often occurs after a period of prolonged or chronic stress, such as losing a job, being a caregiver, or having a baby. Note: Emotional exhaustion is not a synonym for burnout, but rather a symptom of burnout. Learn more about this phenomenon and how you can practice prevention.
Photo Essay: Packing It Up!
Recently, volunteers and staff assembled toiletry kits for Domestic and Sexual Violence Services clients.
Domestic violence is a family, community, and public health issue with widespread ripple effects that impact all parts of our community. Did you know: 1 in 4 women and nearly 1 in 10 men will experience sexual violence, physical violence or stalking by an intimate partner during their lives, and more than 43 million women and 38 million men will experience psychological aggression by an intimate partner in their lifetime. Research also shows survivors of domestic violence have significantly higher rates of long-term health problems, including diabetes, frequent headaches, chronic pain, difficulty sleeping, asthma, depression and post-traumatic stress disorder. It will take all of us to build a peaceful and safe Fairfax County. Learn more about how you can prevent domestic violence and see what Domestic and Sexual Violence Services is doing this October.
Emotional abuse can be incredibly damaging, increasing a person's chances of developing depression and anxiety. But these behaviors can be subtle and difficult to spot, both from within and outside a relationship. It also often makes people doubt their perceptions of their own mistreatment. How can we recognize these patterns in real life? Viann Nguyen-Feng shares common signs of emotional abuse in this TED Talk about the 4 signs of emotional abuse.
Be a part of a national day of action and join #PurpleOut. Wear your favorite purple outfit, post a selfie or send one to John Crownover, help raise awareness about domestic violence, and show your commitment to promoting healthy relationships.
“Without volunteers, we’d be a nation without a soul.” –Roslynn Carter
Each newsletter will include this section to help share reviews, spotlight the people who support Domestic and Sexual Violence Services, recognize birthdays and list upcoming trainings and meetings.
The goal of advocacy and counseling is risk assessment, safety planning, and stabilization for survivors or victims of domestic and sexual violence and human trafficking. The Domestic Violence Action Center has several partners that provide advocacy—Ashiyanaa, the Jewish Coalition Against Domestic Abuse, The Multicultural Center of Northern Virginia Family Services, Victim Service Division, and The Women’s Center. Check out this video to see how this partnership supports survivors.
"Promising Young Woman"
The movie "Promising Young Woman" has been described as a revenge movie. Having grown up watching the violent revenge movies of the ‘70s with the likes of Clint Eastwood and Charles Bronson, the revenge in “Promising Young Woman” doesn’t even compare, and the star, Carey Mulligan, is certainly no Bronson. The movie has also been described as an exploitation thriller, but I don’t agree with that assessment, either. This movie doesn’t fit neatly into a standard well-defined category, and that is part of what makes it so appealing.
At the center of this story is Nina, a female medical school student who attends a party where she is sexually assaulted by a fellow student from her class. Nina was a promising young woman with a bright future, but her life unraveled as a result of the assault and its aftermath. Like so many sexual assault survivors, Nina was victimized by the justice system and by a society that is more willing to protect the perpetrator than support the victim, especially when alcohol is involved.
Although Nina’s sexual assault is the genesis of this story, the film actually takes a distinctive approach by focusing on Nina’s best friend, Cassandra. As Nina’s life spiraled out of control, she dropped out of school, which prompted Cassie to set aside her dreams of becoming a doctor and drop out as well to take care of Nina. Cassie, seeing firsthand how her friend is treated, is enraged, and this is where the "revenge" aspect of the movie comes in.
Cassie channels her anger by regularly frequenting local bars, pretending to be drunk, and making herself a tempting target for any predators willing to take advantage of her apparently vulnerable state. Sadly, there is always someone willing to take the bait and take Cassie home under the pretense of helping her. Fortunately, Cassie is not actually drunk and is able to get herself out of the vulnerable position she has been put in while also dispensing her retribution. It is unclear if this results in any meaningful change or if it only causes a momentary revelation for those caught in her charade. Cassie tracks these encounters in her notebook, and it’s a sobering visual image when she flips through her journal, revealing to the audience hundreds of predators in her local community who have tried to take advantage of her.
In addition to strangers she meets at the bars, Cassie also decides to take her vengeance on those involved in Nina’s assault and revictimization. However, upon closer examination, Cassie’s vengeance seems to be more rehabilitative in nature than punitive, as she always gives people an opportunity to express true remorse, and if they do, she is willing to spare them her retribution. It becomes clear Cassie is trying to teach people a lesson more than simply punishing them.
“Promising Young Women” directly tackles the reality of secondary victims. Cassie experiences a lack of understanding and support as she struggles with her own traumatization because of what happened to Nina. As this movie makes clear, a victim’s loved ones can be traumatized as well, and it’s disheartening to see Cassie almost universally encouraged to get over things and move on.
This is why DSVS providing resources like counseling not only for victims but also for their families is so important. The focus on a victim’s loved ones is an uncommon perspective worthy of examination, and this movie does so without minimizing the victim. Some of the most poignant and heart-hurting discussions I’ve had are with victims' loved ones who need help, too, so I’m glad this movie highlights those struggles.
What I found particularly interesting was how the sexual predators were portrayed as clean-cut, well-dressed nice guys operating out in the open, not the scary ski mask-wearing, knife-toting monsters hiding in the alley we normally see in movies. I actually lost count of the number of times "nice guy" was used throughout, even by the guys themselves, and even after their true character was exposed. It was a disconcerting but realistic depiction of many predators.
The film also asks the question: How many guys would be willing to take advantage of an incapacitated woman if they thought they could get away with it? The uncomfortable answer seems to be way too many. I was also struck by how easy it was for people to justify inaction and provide cover for wrongdoing, and unfortunately, that appears to be a realistic depiction, as well.
Additionally, the movie includes all the typical dismissive phrases and excuses associated with rape culture, such as, "it was too much of a he said, she said situation," "she was drinking," "we were kids," "we were all drunk," "she was into it," and the classic concern for ruining a young man’s life.
“Promising Young Woman” ignites an important conversation as it puts up a mirror to society, and frankly, the reflection is disturbing. The film also raises questions regarding redemption and shows how easy it is for people to engage in victim blaming and minimize sexual assault.
Although the movie tackles uncomfortable subjects and may be triggering, it has lighter moments, as well as a good soundtrack, and is ultimately more about accountability than revenge. However, as the final scene emphasizes, it’s really an inspiring story about friendship based on compassion, loyalty, and love. The closing song playing over the final scene in makes for a powerful ending. The song doesn’t provide any extra insight or commentary; it’s just a fabulous, poignant song, full of emotion and range, like the movie itself, and I applaud director Emerald Fennell for such an inspired selection.
There are aspects of the movie that strain plausibility, but if one is willing to look past these and instead focus on the social statements the film makes and the questions it asks, it provides a lot of food for thought as it reveals the deep trauma and uncomfortable truths of rape culture in our society. For those too young to get my Siskel and Ebert reference, the movie has a Tomatometer rating of 90% and an audience score of 87% on Rotten Tomatoes and won the Oscar for Best Original Screenplay. The movie is rated R for strong violence, including sexual assault, language throughout, some sexual material, and drug use, so it may not be appropriate for younger viewers, but it’s a must-see for anyone interested in watching a thought-provoking film that focuses on a disturbing subject in a unique and powerful way.
The review was written by Victor Batson, Hotline, HASA, and Community Ambassador volunteer.
Meet Danielka Zeledon, ADAPT Volunteer
"Through the group facilitation process I have been able to address my own assumptions of participants of such groups. It has been a very humbling and enriching experience. There is often stigma surrounding issues of domestic violence, especially when working with people who have utilized violence toward a family member or loved one," says Danielka Zeledon, ADAPT volunteer. "I have come to believe judgment comes from a lack of understanding." Read more of Danielka's volunteer experience.
Bolivia Bustamante, 3
Karen Stokes Lockhart, 5
Shawn Desai, 9
Ni Hsieh, 11
Allison Pickmans, 17
Norma Williamson, 20
Nancy Lee, 25
Dipti Maniar, 25
Take a stab at this month's brain teaser with this word search.
Crime after Crime Screening and Panel Discussion
Tuesday, Oct. 11, 6-8:30 p.m.
Join Fairfax County Department of Family Services and Domestic and Sexual Violence Services for a special screening of “Crime After Crime,” a documentary about incarcerated domestic violence survivor Debbie Peagler’s decades-long fight for her freedom. The screening will be followed by a panel discussion about the criminalization of survivors of intimate partner violence, and how those survivors are often forced to defend themselves against their abuser as well as the justice system. Attendance is free, but registration is required.
Phi Beta Sigma/Zeta Phi Beta DVAM Toiletry Drive
Saturday, Oct. 15, 10 a.m.-Noon
Join the brothers and sisters of Phi Beta Sigma Fraternity, Inc., and Zeta Phi Beta Sorority, Inc., as they partner with Shelter House and Domestic and Sexual Violence Services for a Toiletry Drive at Mount Vernon Woods Elementary School in Alexandria, VA. All donated items will support victims of domestic violence.
Fall Tier One Training
Saturdays, Oct. 22 & 29, 8 a.m.-5 p.m.
Tier 1 is a training on the dynamics of domestic violence, the systems that respond to those crimes, and available resources in our community. This 16-hour training is free, but registration is required.
What kind of trainings interest you? Send your ideas to Tanisha Cox.
There are no quarterly trainings this month.
Please take a moment to log on to your Volunteer Management System (VMS) account and log your hours for the month of September. Please also log any time you spent on training under “volunteer training.” If you do not see this selection under your opportunities, please email Tanisha Cox, and she will log on to add it to your account.
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Please enter your hours for each day you volunteered and not as a lump sum.
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If you need to log hours for a previous month, please email Tanisha Cox to let her know so she can be aware of the entry and expedite the approval process.
Check out past issues of Volunteer Voices.