Reviews
Netflix’s “Baby Reindeer” Explores How Trauma Impacts Families
Released last spring, “Baby Reindeer” is a Netflix series based on comedian Richard Gadd’s own lived experience.
The series starts with a woman, Martha, walking into a bar and connecting with the Donny bartender. I have to be honest: When I started watching the series, I thought it was meant to be a comedy. Then it got dark, eerie, and intense—and fast. Donny (Gadd on the show) begins to realize Martha’s obsession with him as she continues to show up at the bar, spending hours at a time there.
Initially, he seemed OK with her behavior until she started to romanticize him. Her repeated texts and pop-up visits outside his house, at the bar where he works, and in comedy houses during his stand-up routines—and his response to the stalking—harken back to an earlier period in his life when he felt similarly helpless to control the narrative around him.
Four years before Martha, Donny meets Darrien, a TV show producer who befriends him and convinces Donny that he can advance his career. Under the guise of advising Donny, Darrien plies Donny with drug after drug and violates him sexually while Donny is high. One night, Donny is awakened by Darrien actively raping him. In voiceover, Donny admits he didn’t flee Darrien’s apartment immediately.
During the height of Martha’s stalking him, Donny realizes she likely recognized the trauma from that sexual assault in him. And, in fact, she asks him multiple times, “Did someone hurt you?”
Despite the comedy in various episodes, the series touches on sexual assault, toxic relationships, trauma bonding, and stalking. It’s interesting while also, in a lot of ways, upsetting. The storyline and acting reel you in. I had so many questions at the end of episode 7, curious about Donny’s decisions and his actions toward those who caused him harm.
Many studies show why a victim might return to a person who has caused them harm. Trauma bonds occur when a victim or survivor has a deep emotional attachment to the person who has harmed them. Often, as the trauma bond strengthens, the victim or survivor experiences conflicting emotions. You see this play out across the series. Donny battles with his relationship with Martha and the turmoil and distress she causes him, but also finds a kind of support and attention he hasn’t received from the comedy scene, where he has been met with repeated rejection. He even feels deep pain at the consequences Martha faces for her years of stalking him. Similarly, he returns to Darrien in spite of the vicious sexual assault, seeking validation of his writing skills.
The series clearly illustrates the saying “hurt people, hurt people” and shows how trauma can impact not only victims, but also many of the people in their lives.
This article was written by Tanisha Cox, DSVS’ volunteer manager.
Raising My Voice
Meet Seth Woehrle, Community Engagement Volunteer
“I’ve always been shy, and I still am. Volunteering with Fairfax County has helped me gain the confidence to talk to people and listen to their difficulties,” says Seth Woehrle, Community Engagement volunteer with Domestic and Sexual Violence Services. “Everyone needs someone to be able to help them and listen. That was honestly one of my biggest challenges, and not a lot of people know that. And for me to overcome that to help people is special.” Read more about Seth’s volunteer journey.
VV FAQs
Q: What are the benefits of volunteering for Domestic and Sexual Violence Services?
A:
- Help victims of violence: As a volunteer, you will help us to provide support and promote justice for victims of violence, their families and communities.
- Work from convenient locations: We have an array of services in the various regions of the county, which means volunteer activities are most likely available in locations close to where you live, work, or go to school.
- Gain skills: Volunteering affords you an opportunity to build or enhance your skill set in a meaningful field of work. Our volunteers and staff come from diverse backgrounds and are eager to share their specialized knowledge and experience.
- Network and develop friendships: As a volunteer, you have access to a staff from other organizations offering ample opportunities to establish professional connections. Additionally, you have the opportunity to join a community of passionate people who enjoy helping others. You may develop lifelong friendships.
Birthdays
The birthstone for July is the ruby, one of the four precious gemstones--along with diamonds, sapphires, and emeralds. Known as the "King of the Gems," rubies, according to some cultures in India, enable people to be invincible in battle and live in peace. Rubies also are associated with love, passion, courage, and creativity.
Adrienne Williams, 4
Christin Royer, 6
Amanda Snelgrove, 12
Montgomery Johnson, 14
Shravani Bojja, 15
Jacqueline Hyuynh, 19
Anuradha “Anu” Vutukuri, 19
Shiloah Kline, 21
Julie Collins, 21
Lauren Rainford, 24
Sasala Challa, 30
Malgorzata Lutostanski, 30
Rachel Zidler, 31
Fascinating Facts
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Test Your Brain
Give your mind a workout with this Sudoku puzzle.
Answer key
Events and Educational Resources
Online Safety Training
Tuesday, July 23 – Online Safety for Teens
Trust, respect, and safety are important to master healthy relationships online and on social media. Join us July 23 at 2 p.m. to hear from an expert on digital safety who will break down important topics like cyberbullying, how people behave online vs. offline, and what it means to be safe on social media and devices. Come ready with questions! Workshop offered via Zoom and in person. Light refreshments will be served at in-person locations. Simultaneous Spanish interpretation will be provided. Contact Debra Miller or Nora Nieto for more information.
Wednesday, July 31 – Online Safety for Youth-Serving Professionals
Do the teens you work with come to you with questions about social media and dating online? Do you struggle to keep up with the latest changes in technology and how they impact your youth or client’s safety? Domestic and Sexual Violence Services is pleased to invite you to a training that will equip you with the knowledge and tools to recognize, prevent, and address tech-enabled abuse among teens. Join us on July 31 at 2 p.m. to hear from an expert on digital violence and ways to approach this topic with kids. Virtual via Zoom. Simultaneous Spanish interpretation will be provided. Contact Debra Miller or Nora Nieto for more information.
Thursday, Aug 8 – Online Safety for Parents/Caregivers
Do you feel a disconnect between you and your children when it comes to technology? Do you worry about helping your teen safely navigate the digital world? Join us Thursday, Aug. 8, 2024, at 6:30 p.m. to hear from an expert on digital violence who helps frustrated parents learn about simple tips to parent effectively in the digital age, preparing their kids to be safer online. Workshop offered via Zoom and in person. Light refreshments will be served at in-person locations. Simultaneous Spanish interpretation will be provided. Contact Debra Miller or Nora Nieto for more information.
Unpacking Gender: How to Talk to Kids and Teens
Tuesday, Aug. 6, 2024
3-4:30 p.m.
Sherwood Regional Library
2501 Sherwood Hall Lane
Alexandria, VA 22306
In this workshop, participants will explore the messages we are taught about gender and how they can affect our relationships with ourselves, loved ones, and community. We will discuss the impact gender roles and stereotypes have on everyone and how this knowledge can help us prevent violence. This workshop is aimed at grandparents and older adult caregivers to children, teens, and young adults interested in learning how to talk about gender with young people in their life. Parents and youth serving professionals also welcome. Questions? Contact Zayne Reeves.
DSVS Orientation for Prospective Volunteers
Multiple dates and times in August
This orientation is an introduction to Fairfax County's Domestic and Sexual Violence Services, the services we provide, the population we serve, and the opportunities for volunteers to contribute to the agency's mission. We also provide a summary of the application process and the requirements necessary to become a successful candidate. Register here.
Volunteer Quarterly Meetings
Volunteers meet quarterly for updates, announcements, training, etc. Meetings are typically held during the week from 6-8 p.m., in person or virtual. The first hour is dedicated to the above and relevant for all volunteers. During the second hour, volunteers are placed in separate rooms (virtual or in person) for program specific updates. If you serve in multiple capacities, don’t worry: We got you covered! Below are the dates for the rest of 2024. Reminders will go out regularly, but please mark your calendars.
- Sept. 25, 6-8 p.m. (virtual) registration
- Dec. 19, 6-8 p.m. (in-person) End of the year celebration, location TBD
Make a Note!
Please take a moment to log on to your Volunteer Management System (VMS) account and log your hours for the month of June. Please also log any time you spent on training under “volunteer training.” If you do not see this selection under your opportunities, please email Tanisha Cox, and she will log on to add it to your account.
Please enter your hours for each day you volunteered and not as a lump sum. If you need to log hours for a previous month, please email Tanisha Cox to let her know so she can be aware of the entry and expedite the approval process.
Parting Shot
Volunteer Manager Tanisha Cox talks up Domestic and Sexual Violence Services’ volunteer program on a video about the division.
Check out past issues of Volunteer Voices.
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My name is Zita Agwunobi, formerly a legislative review analyst volunteer with DSVS and currently a case manager with Advocacy Services. In this capacity, I support our team with impact driven data gathering and decision making to facilitate our clients' access to services and resources based on their needs assessment.
When life is hectic, you’re juggling multiple responsibilities, and your mind is racing with a million thoughts, pausing for a few seconds seems like an impossibility, let alone stopping for an entire minute. But what if taking a 60-second break could serve as a reset button to help you feel more in control? Here’s how a brief pause can be just the self-care remedy you need!
National Minority Mental Health Awareness Month is dedicated to raising awareness of the challenges that affect the mental health of racial and ethnic minority groups. At the intersection of race and mental health, many communities of color—especially Black communities—experience barriers such as lack of health insurance, increased stigma, and systemic racism. And studies show individuals with mental health disorders are at a higher risk of experiencing interpersonal violence, which means minority men and women may be impacted disproportionally by domestic violence as their mental health needs go unmet. In honor of National Minority Health Awareness Month, take a look at this Ted Talk: Racism and Mental Health.
“We ourselves feel that what we are doing is just a drop in the ocean. But the ocean would be less because of that missing drop.”–Mother Teresa
Tahirih Justice Center Supports Immigrant Survivors Fleeing Violent Relationships
Domestic and Sexual Violence Services has a podcast, Unscripted: Conversations about Sexual and Domestic Violence. Stay in the know with these biweekly discussions!