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What Is Sexual Coercion?
If someone makes you feel obligated or pressures you to do something you don’t want to, you may be experiencing coercion. Sexual coercion is the act of using pressure, alcohol or drugs, or force to make you have sexual contact with someone against your will and may include persistent attempts even though you have already refused.
Think of sexual coercion as a spectrum or a range. It can vary from someone verbally egging you on to someone actually forcing you to have contact with them. It can be verbal and emotional, in the form of statements that make you feel pressure, guilt, or shame. You can also be made to feel pressured to engage in sex acts which make you uncomfortable. For example, your partner might:
- Make you feel bad or guilty if you say no
- Make you feel like you owe them because you’re in a relationship or married, because you’ve had sex before, because they spent money on you or bought you a gift, because you go home with them, or other reasons
- Make you feel it’s too late to say no
- Give you compliments that sound extreme or insincere as an attempt to get you to agree to something
- Badger you, yell at you, or physically hold you down
- Give you drugs and/or alcohol to loosen up your inhibitions
- Threaten to cheat or break up if you do not agree to their desired sex act
- React negatively (with sadness, anger, or resentment) if you say no or don’t immediately agree to something
- Continue to pressure you after you say no
- Make you feel threatened or afraid of what might happen if you say no
- Call you a “prude” or other names to make you feel like saying no is socially unacceptable
If you’re in a relationship where there is sexual coercion, there is a lack of consent, and a coercive partner doesn’t respect your boundaries or wishes.
Adapted from loveisrespect.org.
Learn more about sexual violence or Domestic and Sexual Violence Services.